The personal and introspective musings of an all-too-tongue-and-cheek college girl.



I feel so strange right now.

Part of me is nearly in tears from the frustration that is ever building from the lack of patience and the length of time that hold me back from going home. I want so desperately to scream and cry and yell and LEAVE, and then maybe I'll be okay.

But part of me is full of hope, somewhat happy.

I know I'm going home, so now I can focus on what needs to be done, the task at hand, and really get things done right with the time I have left. I can re-center myself, work on things that are frustrating me, and get myself to a better place so that at home I'll be alright.

1. Be patient.
I'm always pushy and frustrated because I'm not capable of patience for some reason or another. I need to learn what it means to wait with dignity. 

2. Relinquish control.
I get impatient because situations are out of my control and it angers me. I need to learn that I don't have to be the one who is at the wheel 100% of the time, and that when I am, I don't have to be a jerk about it.

3. Find peace.
I need to allow myself to be happy, allow myself to cry, allow myself to sit back and relax, and allow myself to be ME. I never feel content because I'm so busy trying to live at an impossible pace. I have got to slow down and let myself breathe.

That being said, I understand the new Thriving Ivory song a little better in this moment. Things seem on the horizon of wonderful, so if something is wrong, I don't want to hear about it. I want to be allowed to have this hope in the future, that UTD will be what I want, and that by going back I'll be okay. I feel like I can't find a happy place here, so I think that I honestly have to get home. I'm in a good mood because I feel like I know what's coming, and if I'm wrong I'd rather just be allowed to dream. The people I care about will always be with me in Dallas, as opposed to a long drive away.

"Don't tell me if I'm dying, cuz I don't wanna know, if I can't see the sun, maybe I should go. Don't wake me cuz I'm dreaming of angels on the moon, and everyone you know never leaves too soon..."