The personal and introspective musings of an all-too-tongue-and-cheek college girl.


A Passionate Pursuit.

I was driving today to go pick up some things for my boss out in Garland, and I had my radio turned on (as usual). The song "Storm" by Lifehouse came on, and as I listened, I felt my heart growing heavy. How long have I been in this situation? For how long have I yearned to be closer to God and felt like I was being pulled away?

It was about then that it hit me.

Christ tells us that He wants to be our first love. He wants us to run to Him before anyone else; to give HIM our hearts. 'No other gods' means putting nothing before Him, including relationships.

How many times have I allowed someone to have my heart? I've given it away far too many times to far too many things, and each time I've come away broken and confused. I've taken what should have been Christ's and turned it into something that can be bought and sold. I'm hurting.

My first love wasn't what it should have been. I gave my heart away to someone who cared nothing for it, who battered it and trampled it and gave it back to me in pieces. Instead of running to my King with my pain, I turned to my eating disorder, my destructive habits, my "little affairs of the heart" (as referred to by Stasi Eldridge in Captivating). I ended up in the hospital for almost a month, and FINALLY I saw what had been right in front of me.

Jesus wants to show us how love really feels. How wonderful it is to be romanced by the Creator of the UNIVERSE. He has nothing but grace and forgiveness, tenderness and mercy; He loves us unconditionally. It doesn't get any better than that. For so long this perfect love was sought after, and now I've realized that it lies here, in Him.

And that is a passion worth pursuing.


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